Wow...another month has gone by.

It's December 4th and I am writing almost a full month later. I wish I could spend the whole post justifying why I have not written, but that isn't necessary. It's human. I haven't been reading much, and I have been quite distracted with my life. My parents flew into Denver for Thanksgiving which was a real treat considering I almost never see my family. I come from an incredibly active family. I grew up playing sports in school, competing in every one as well, and on the weekends my family was either gardening, roller blading, and taking camping trips that always involved a strenuous hike. Half the time the only way my mom could get us up the mountain would be to hold a few Jolly Ranchers in her hand and once we noticed them dangling in front of us we would race up to them, make up for lost time :) So the moment they flew in we drove up to Red Rocks to get our work out in... never mind the altitude change and dehydration factor, it was beautiful so it didn't matter. That week, aside from the copious amounts of shopping we ended up doing, we ate a lot of really great food, my parents took their first hot yoga class, and we had a lovely nontraditional salmon Thanksgiving. It's nice having my parents around because it keeps me grounded. They have been married for 31 years and have done a fab job of keeping the family together. While I am here in Denver, no family, I get caught up in every element of my life, trying to make things work, how do I pay rent this month, what if my business (Thai Massage) isn't successful... all the downers that make you forget who you are. When I hang out with my family we tell story, remember the good times, laugh, and I realize that I am a happy healthy strong individual with a lot to offer. Life isn't so bad.

I think the concept of realizing that life isn't so bad comes from having compassion for yourself. Yesterday I took a Forrest class (my new addiction) at Root Yoga and my teacher was theming this idea of compassion the whole time....for two hours. But what a great reminder, right? The way she tied the theme into class was amazing. ACTIVATION. With every posture you come in to, full activation. Where can you have compassion for yourself and engage everwhere, fill your cup by not neglecting parts of your body. For me this translated directly to the feet. I have a tendency when I practice yoga to not practice what I teach. "Press through your big toe mound, ground down through all four corners of your feet." So I have found the solution through the Forrest method to lift and spread all ten toes in every posture. Warrior 1, Warrior 2, dancers, tadasana, bridge pose, everything. It has completely transformed not only my practice, but has also built this amazing internal self confidence and love. There are so many parts of the body that could be more fully activated in each pose. I recommend the next time you practice to lift your toes, press through your heels, and see what happens.

Activation builds compassion. Why? Because you are treating yourself to the gift of self love. It creates the desire to be more complete and fulfilled. Ana Forrest says that "holding on to anger, fear, or resentment can cause physical pain, but when we heal our emotional pain, our physical pain often subsides." This works both ways. Working on our physical pain through activation can heal our emotional pain and result in more compassion. Try it... see what happens.

Healing Is A Choice

Wow... it's been a few weeks since I have written a post. I woke up this morning feeling badly about the fact that I had neglected this new thing that I love so much. But when I asked myself why I was so irritated by this I found that it was my pride that was allowing me to be frustrated. I have had an issue with pride my whole life. I think most people do... but I am pretty sure I know where mine is rooted. Growing up I struggled with learning disabilities that started me on medication in second grade. From there all the way through college I had to work harder than everybody else. I saw tutors regularly, went to before and after school help, spent hours with my parents doing homework, you get the idea. Long story short I was constantly battling everyone just so I could stay in the private school I had been attending since a young age. It hasn't really been until recently that I have started recognizing my pride and admitting that I have an issue with proving myself to others. Let's just say it's a tough habit to break.... especially when you are a competitive person. So to the point, I have finally put down Journey Into Power by Baron Baptiste and picked up Fierce Medicine by Ana Forrest. I have been hearing amazing things about this book and that it is intense and perhaps may change your life. You can get it on Amazon for $10, by the way. I have not gotten too far into it only because it is one of those books that drains you with visualizations and stories so vivid that you cannot read too much at a time. At least that has been my experience. I have taken a handful of Forrest Yoga classes and it's probably one of the most healing practices I have taken yet. It is essentially a practice blending Native American medicine and yoga. I believe the word healing is interchangeable with personal growth. You do not need to be getting over a break up, or repairing your heart from loss, or anything too sad dark and morbid, you can simply just want to change. For me and my healing, it is changing the way I have been doing things for a very long time.

I have titled this post Healing is a Choice because it is. There are a lot of people that float through their lives with no awareness of their being and no desire to better themselves. Simply just recognizing that you are a certain way is fine, but does it really truly provoke change with only realization? I don't think so. I think it is a daily effort. The small things contribute to a lifetime of personal growth. Me for example. I am rather flighty, hyperactive, I love change, I meet new people every day, I like to learn and do new things, love adventure etc. Those things are all great, however the downfall is that those qualities translate over to my relationships and my jobs. Being Vata (my dosha in Ayurveda), has its challenges. I recently started the Wellness Cleanse at Core Power  Yoga, and last night we had a lecture on Doshas, something I actually know quite a bit about, however, learning it in this very moment was a different experience. When my teacher was explaining the nature of a Vata person, everything about it was me. She then went on to talk about how you can create balance in your Dosha's, if you are too Vata, what can you do? What foods can you eat to create balance? That's not to say that eating certain things will change your personality, but it can help ground you. So the first step to personal growth is recognizing and understanding the things you want to change. Step two is finding out how you are going to execute the process. Dosha's, Chakra's, Buddhism, whatever, they are all tools to help understand more about you. When you can articulate what it is you want to change, then it starts happening.

Reformatting the way I have been doing things for 26 years is not easy... but guess what? I kinda want to have a long and healthy relationship, and I kinda want to stay at my job for a long time because I love it. This act of accepting where you are and realizing that it is good and letting go of the need to find something else, is very healing in and of itself. I know that I can have adventure and see the world and attend workshops in the mountains of Colorado and stay on the beach in California and climb and cycle and do yoga every day, while at the same time maintaining love, relationships, and money. It's just a matter of how. But I think if you are willing to put the effort into working on yourself the only reward will be a positive one. More to come about Ana Forrest and her book, but as for now, you have a taste of why I am reading the book in the first place.

Perception and Breath Facilitation

If you have ever taken a yoga class, you will notice that breath is a big part of it. Whether it is Bikram, Ashtanga, Forrest, Anusara, postures are facilitated by breath. There are a lot of different types of yogic breath: kapalbhati, ujjayi, pranayama, and so forth. The amazing part about yogic breath is that it always has a purpose and an intention... if we are flowing vinyasa style, we follow the pattern of one breath one movement, if we are in a Bikram class, we use our ujjayi breathing to build internal heat. The power of breath can completely change your yoga practice. I have a daily practice, something I committed to long ago, and will be the first to say that sometimes I really do not want to be in class. We as people have a lot going on all the time, between our thoughts, our schedules, making time for people, making time for ourselves, you name it... everybody is busy. Some days I cannot help but think about what I have to do next in the day, or a fight I got into with a friend, or sometimes I am just straight up hungry. Regardless of what is going on, be it distractions on my mat (teacher's music being terrible) or general life crap, I know that the only thing I have to do to be more present and effective in that moment is to shift my perspective. That's where breath work comes in. The concept of shifting your perspective takes will power and a severe conscious effort. There are times when I walk into class, I put my mat down, I get into child's pose, where I usually begin, I start breathing, and then the instructor walks in to teach. My assumption in that moment is that I am going to get what I need from the class in order to go forth with my day and essentially solve all my issues. Not always the case. Sometimes the first song on the playlist is something I really can't stand and judgement sets in REAL fast.
"Seriously? This gal likes this crap? Ugh... Ok, Clare, it's not about the music, you are here for a reason." Focus, intention, and breath are powerful tools to use when trying to come into a space of non judgment. The real challenge is staying in this mindset for 60 minutes... it ain't easy.

In Baptiste's book he has a great way of explaining breath. Aside from this breath "releasing your body's potential" he explains breath as raw energy, that "with every inhalation you literally bring new life into your body, with every exhalation you clean house." I understand that these analogies can be VERY cheesy and literal. I get it. However, when you start actually believing that breath can change things, it works.

My part time job is a glorified cubicle job. I answer phone calls. That's it. But you gotta do what you gotta do right? Rent doesn't pay for itself. As irritating as this job can be, I have not only chosen to take this job at my own will, but it is the best way for me to practice breath work. Whether it's some pissed off customer from California or my uptight supervisor, the best way to learn how to not take shit personally is to take a deep breath! It's so much more than just being a bigger person.... it's not really about that, because that really just comes back to ego. I think about it more as choosing your battles. Because at the end of the day we have a choice whether we want to react or not, like I have talked about before. So when I have a coworker snapping at me for something I view as minimal, I can choose to bitch and complain about her attitude, or I can choose to take a deep breath and not make it my own. I'm not saying it isn't fun to powwow about people's crappy attitudes, because it is, but it really doesn't serve anybody, and as fun as it may be, it starts to affect you the moment you decide to prolong the situation.

Bit by bit the moments we choose to deal with things differently, are the moments when personal growth start to actually move.

Speaking Your Truth: Satya

I went through my first 200-hour yoga training almost two years and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Throughout the training we have many lectures we have to attend to understand different elements of what it takes to be a yoga teacher. One of my favorite lectures was on the 8 limb yogic path. The 8 limb yogic path forms the structural framework for the yoga practice. Yama (universal mortality) is the first part of the path. The assignment for this lecture was to pick one yama or niyama (personal observances) and focus on it for the endurance of teacher training. I chose Satya, speaking your truth. Two years later of talking about speaking your truth I do not fully understand what that means... speaking your truth does not just mean being honest. Sure that is part of it, but it's more so about being authentic with yourself and having your own wisdom. Baptiste shows us that you are your own teacher, that yoga is a path shared by many and that while on this path you must create your own and know what is right for you. "Yoga is about discovering your essential and authentic self, not someone else's."

I think that as humans our ego gets in the way of being able to speak our truth. Traditionally, there were not postures, or asanas, in yoga. It was all praise and meditation. It wasn't until we realized that to move energy you must move your body, that postures were created. The combination of westernizing this practice and being raised under social constructions of pride and ego, it can be challenging to stay focused on the mat without comparing yourself to your neighbor. I by no means think I am a better person because I can concentrate on my own practice and not care if the person next to me is doing something more challenging. This is not hard for me. But then again there is a huge difference between the physical and emotional practice. I have the ability to stay within the realm of what is good for me and know what my body needs and doesn't need in the day. The harder part is taking that strong and powerful feeling off the mat. How is it possible that I can stay authentic with myself and my needs while practicing yoga but when faced with conflict it is harder?

Recently I have been faced with a situation that is challenging me to be authentic, and I am telling you... holy crap, not easy. In this particular case, being authentic means being able to articulate with words what I need for myself and from this person. Standing your ground not from a place of ego but from compassion and self respect. I think there is a lot fear behind being truthful to yourself and to others. Who are we going to hurt, what risk do we take in being truthful? How do you come to a place of acceptance with your words and intentions? Yoga can definitely help to express thoughts and intentions, however it is by no means the answer. By creating awareness around the things you need to do for yourself and then acting on them is the only way to achieve anything. Otherwise you are left in a place of questioning and dissatisfaction. I honestly believe if you have the strength to practice all of this on your mat, it's possible to bring it out into some real conflict. It comes down to a matter a self discipline, a life long path.

If you haven't picked it up yet, start reading Baron Baptiste Journey Into Power, because like I say, everybody needs a little help with articulation sometimes...

Journey Into Power

Book number 1: Journey Into Power: How to Sculpt Your Ideal Body, Free Your True Self, and Transform Your Life with Yoga written by Baron Baptiste. I'm not gonna lie, I judge books by their covers, which is maybe why I have a hard time reading them. I almost never read current novels. My mom was a book editor in New York City for a long time and so I typically go off of her suggestions... which are always the classics. Classics are hard to disagree with, they are amazing, and if you didn't like it, you at least read the whole thing and have something to say about it. When I bought Journey Into Power, I wasn't that excited to read it. It's hard cover, looks like a textbook, and has a dude in Crow Pose on the cover looking way too serious. Also the title... I'll keep my opinion to myself. This book was recommended to me by another yogi, and I figured "why not, i'll see what it's all about." The truth about this book? It's good. Aside from being direct, it's easy to read... literally, anybody could read this book, but I suppose that's why I like it. It's pretty preachy, but Baptiste knows what he is talking about, and he is clearly a very inspired person and best of all, he gets it. Whatever path you are taking to resolve your struggles and get on a better path, there is something for everybody in this book.

In the first chapter of this book he has a section titled "The Power of Yoga to Rewire Our Minds." Yoga teaches us to be fearless, to not dwell on those things that are preventing us from moving forward, to soften our reaction time, so many things that we are capable of on our mats, but once we are faced with the reality of every day life, all of a sudden our yoga goes out the door. There is a lot of bullshit every day that we can choose to be a part of or not. I believe the universe is constantly challenging us. Today for example, I met up with a friend who ran into somebody who I recently had a falling out with and the very talk of this person made me angry. It's amazing, we have people in our lives that bring out the worst in us, we think awful things, but we have the choice to react a certain way.  We are constantly being given the opportunity to choose. We do not always choose wisely, but it is there. Somebody doesn't "like" your Facebook status, and the first thought is, "what the hell is their problem?" Honestly, does it matter? The choice is there as to what kind of energy you give it.

Baptiste says, "This yoga is the ultimate laboratory for awakening. Your yoga mat is a place to invite in stress and meet it head-on, to rewire your mind on a daily basis. All the ingredients you need are there: the challenges, the resistance, the doubts, the frustrations, the fears, the possibilities. You challenge yourself on a physical level, and the mental resistances rush right up to the surface. At those moments, you have a choice: You can either break down or break through."

Gotta love the power of positive thinking...

It's Not Just Another Yoga Blog...

Welcome to Mat Vernacular! I don't really know where to start here. I suppose I should tell you why I have started this blog...

Let's just say the idea came to me when I deactivated my Facebook page a whole 3 days ago. Yes, after seven years I have decided to leave the world of social networking (although not entirely...my Pinterest page will stay alive). The decision came to me when I sat down to look at my life and do some "housecleaning" if you will. I asked myself "how can I be more productive with my life?" Not "how can I make myself busier..." That is definitely not the goal here. I am plenty busy. Here's what I do. Career wise, I teach yoga at a studio in Denver called Core Power Yoga, some of you may know this establishment, and I also am a Thai Massage therapist. While I am not working to make money I am focusing on my own yoga practice, rock climbing (my passion), cooking, and spending time with great friends. I have a very fulfilling life... which is why I am writing a blog, right? Not so much.

I don't find it satisfying to write about all the great things in my life and prove to the world that I'm awesome. Although that can be fun, I am more interested in life's struggles... what makes a person real and tangible. I have been teaching yoga for a year and a half, not long at all, and practicing for eight. I am now at the point in my teaching when its really time to bring the yoga off the mat. I'm not quite sure what that means but I have an inkling.

If you are anything like me, articulating myself when I am super "feelingsy" is not easy. So I have become a recent book reader. Crazy, huh? I love novels and nonfiction, however they are not relatable to my life and my personal growth. I have started building my "Yoga Library." This collection includes books by authors who are renowned in the yoga world and people who write about yoga. That's what this blog is about. Everybody needs a little push to become a better person and to improve the quality of their life. Just as yoga is not the answer to all of our problems, reading books by Baptiste and Forrest are also not answers to mine. They are however, tools to solve the question, "What is the real yoga?"